"Manly Bike for Sale" - found on craigslist
Thread started by
freeballing at 08.28.08 - 8:53 am
Date: 2008-07-22, 10:18AM PDT
Bike for sale
What kind of bike? I don't know, I'm not a bike scientist. What I am though is a manly guy looking to sell his bike. This bike is made out of metal and kick ass spokes. The back reflector was taken off, but if you think that deters me from riding at night, you're way wrong. I practiced ninja training in Japan's mount Fuji for 5 years and the first rule they teach about ninja biking is that back reflectors let the enemy know where you are. Not having a rear reflector is like saying "FUCK YOU CAR, JUST TRY AND FIND ME".
The bike says Giant on the side because it's referring to my junk, but rest assured even if you have tiny junk that Giant advertisement is going to remain right where it is. I bought this bike for 300 dollars from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War 2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Phillipines while stationed there as a shark handler. When he sold it to me I had to arm wrestle him for the honor to buy it. I broke his arm in 7 places when I did. He was so impressed with me he offered me to be his son but I thought that was sissy shit so I said no way.
The bike has some rusted screws, but that just shows how much of a bad ass you are. Everyone knows rusted screws on a bike means that you probably drove it underwater and that's bad ass in itself. Those screws can be replaced with shiny new ones, but if you're going to go to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the balls since you're probably a dickless lizard who doesn't like to look intimidating.
The bike is for men because the seat is flat or some shit and not shaped like a dildo. If you like flat seated bikes you're going to love this thing because it doesn't try to penetrate your ass or anything.
I've topped out at 75 miles per hour on this uphill but if you're just a regular man you'll probably top it out at 10 miles per hour. This thing is listed as a street bike which is man-code for bike tank. The bike has 7 speeds in total:
Gear 1 - Sissy Gear
Gear 2 - Less Sissy Gear
Gear 3 - Least Sissy Gear
Gear 4 - Boy Gear
Gear 5 - Pre-teen Boy Gear
Gear 6 - Manly Gear
Gear 7 - Big Muscles Gear
I only like gear 6 and 7 to be honest.
Additionally, this tool of all immense men comes with a gigantic lock to keep it secure. The lock is the size of a bull's testicles and tells people you don't fuck around with locking up your bike tank. It tells would-be-thieves "Hey asshole, touch this bike and I'll appear from the bushes ready to club you with a two-by-four".
Bike is for 150 OBO (and don't give me no panzy prices)
reply
Could this craigslist ad be from the same poster?:
MAGNA bike Made in CHINA come and get it !! - $35 (West side)
Reply to: sale-817004371@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-08-28, 12:34PM PDT
this thing is heavy it will really give you a good workout
you'll break a sweat for sure !! but im not responsible if you get a heart attack !!
good quality Made in China not Japan or Europe or England those are poor quality
All heavy duty american recycled STEEL parts and components absolutely no aluminum here
no brand name components scrw Shimano !!
will last a lifetime if you don't use it
please get me rust and all included as an added giveaway ! if no one takes this it will go back to the recycling bin to be sent back to CHINA and you'll be sorry as it will come back here making a 15,000 mile roundtrip as a a new MAGNA BIKE sorry Magna but people here luv you !
* Location: West side
two wheels good08.28.08 - 10:46 pm
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