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Thread Box:
model letterwriter
Thread started by steph at 05.19.09 - 5:24 pm

to the douche who stole my bike (culver city)

Reply to:sale-thk8r-1179419014@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-05-19, 5:09PM PDT


hey dickshoulder,
thanks for stealing my blue schwinn. it was the last gift my dying mother gave me before the cancer spread. you're a giant assmongrel and i hope someone steals the face from your skull. but guess what? joke's on you, buddy. that bike has major aids and you just bought, nay, stole yourself a raging case. yeah, that's right, you pathetic piece. i injected that specialty schwinn gel seat with a rare strain of super intense, highly infectious aids virus in the event that some douchebag such as yourself would one day steal it. the specific strain is so powerful that, if anywhere near even a clothed asshole, it travels - like determined sperm - all up inside you. why would i do such a thing, you ask? wouldn't that mean endangering my own life just on the off chance that a giant oblong shaped douchebag would someday steal my beloved schwinn? well, let's just say measures were taken, my friend. i had an airtight suit of rubber moulded to my body and coated with an anti-aids substance. you wouldn't understand all the advanced technology seeing as you don't even know how to steal a car. i mean really, sir, you have to resort to stealing the modes of transportation that little children use? little baby children. little baby aids inflicted children. you're a global ass rapist, culver city bandit.
anyway, bicycle thief, i just wanted you to know that i'm watching you. in anticipation of your thievery, i installed a microscopic lens on the handlebar that broadcasts live to my television (it's not a fancy plasma, if you're thinking of stealing that too - so step off).
enjoy that arby's french dip you're about to bite into. i'd watch out for pubes, though. while enjoying some quality bike thief television i saw you pull up to the drive through on the schwinn so i called the arby's manager and asked that he make yours a "special order". nothing is free in this world (except, apparently, bikes for you) so that little fast food favor did cost me a pretty penny. but literally, just one penny. one recently minted penny that wasn't tarnished in any way (like your soul).
so just remember, friend, from now on i will be sabotaging every moment of the living hell called your life. i hope it was worth it.
love,
barbara
ps if you decide you want to give me back my bike, meet me at the rite-aid on the corner of venice and overland at 8pm sharp tomorrow night. no funny stuff.

reply


haha.



GodLovesUgly
05.19.09 - 5:38 pm

reply


...



Debut213
05.19.09 - 6:00 pm

reply


"you're a global ass rapist"



HANDBONE
05.19.09 - 6:02 pm

reply


lets try this one more time..



Debut213
05.19.09 - 6:44 pm

reply


dickshoulder is a clever one. sara bond came up with a good one.... "dickdouche" it seems to get the point across.



baby_jane
05.19.09 - 6:45 pm

reply


hey sara who's the dickpoop ?



HANDBONE
responding to a comment by baby_jane
05.19.09 - 6:52 pm

reply


dick douche: if you add it to your vocabulary, one day it will just "fly out of your mouth" in a spat of anger, or hilarity - there are many dick douches in this world.



bondink
responding to a comment by HANDBONE
05.19.09 - 6:56 pm

reply


"I hope someone steals the face from your skull."



kryxtanicole
05.19.09 - 11:00 pm

reply


Is that One Of Us who lost their bike?

覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧

"Hey dickshoulder."

I like it because it makes so little sense.

"I hope someone steals the face from your skull."

I like it because it makes so MUCH sense.

I'm funny like that.

覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧

Waitwaitwait You replied to a FOR SALE posting? Are you getting your dickshoulder-infected bike back?



katiepoche
05.21.09 - 7:01 pm

reply


WHEN I READ THIS THREAD I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO SEE A MODEL THAT WRITES LETTERS OR SOMETHING. WE NEED MORE PICTURES OF MODELS ON THIS WEB SITE.



TIMESARECHANGING
05.21.09 - 7:08 pm

reply


BAM.



katiepoche
responding to a comment by TIMESARECHANGING
05.23.09 - 2:56 pm

reply

Reply


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