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Thread Box:
bicycles need to stay on the sidewalk
Thread started by _iJunes at 04.9.09 - 4:34 pm

Black 2001 Saturn SC2. Thatís the car I drive ó and if youíre a bicyclist on the road but not in a bike path and you see my car, I hope youíre wearing a helmet, because I might run you over.

Maybe not intentionally.

But you see, with all these things I can do in my car nowadays, such as choose a different song on my iPod, send a text message while driving or fall asleep at the wheel because I had to wake up for a worthless 8 a.m. biology lab, I might not notice you.

And, considering you are where you should not be, I might hit you.

The simple fact of the matter is, MSU has so kindly provided sidewalks for people on foot and Rollerblades, and MSUís ordinance should be revised to require bicyclists be there too. The university has outlined bike paths on certain roads, but bicyclists canít just create imaginary bike paths like they do.

I cannot drive my car on the sidewalk, so why must you ride your bicycle where I drive?

Many of my friends ride bicycles on campus, so Iím not trying to berate a whole demographic of students. I appreciate bicyclists who advocate environmentalism, since they are making up for the damage I do with my car.

I respect bicyclists who use bicycles as a form of exercise, since people certainly can never get enough fitness in their everyday routines.

But for as much as I respect and appreciate bicyclists, I will not hesitate to honk at them when they are interfering with the roads.

My concern is not merely about inconvenience.

Bicyclists on the road are a driving hazard to people in automobiles, since many bicyclists make turns without using hand signals and ride too close to other vehicles when there is no designated bike path.

For example, I was driving to work Tuesday when a bicyclist pulled up in front of my car in the right lane on Farm Lane going northbound where it intersects with Shaw Lane. There is no bike path at this portion of the road, and I needed to be in the right lane to avoid the left turn only lane, but the bicyclist was in the way.

Instead, I had to speed ahead and veer away from the fast-approaching rear end of the car in front of me, just barely making it into the right lane.

Some will say I could be more patient on the road.

But roads are for cars, not bicyclists. The bicyclist should not have been in the car lane.

Itís possible some bicyclists are trying to live out their dreams of being Lance Armstrong, and the smooth terrain offered by the roads where big, people-killing cars are designed to travel on are more desirable than the sidewalk pavement.

I get it, bicyclists ó youíre in the Tour de France. Well, in your head at least.

But in reality, my gas-guzzling, carbon footprint-leaving car is trying to get around you, the bicyclist. And you, the bicyclist, prefer to coast, not along the side of the lane but in the exact middle.

Maybe in your head you are actually driving a car. Maybe thatís why you believe you should be behind a pickup truck and in front of 15 other cars trying to pass you.

And maybe you are Armstrong, so talented and in shape and able to pedal so, so fast. But Armstrongís average speed in the 2001 Tour de France was 24.9 mph, which is 0.1 mph less than most of the speed limits on and around campus.

Plus, Iíve had difficulty finding students who actually obey the speed limit anyway.

Itís common for motorists to drive at least 5 mph above the speed limit, which makes your task to out-pedal Lance Armstrong all the more daunting. And considering youíre not actually Armstrong (even if you do wear a skintight yellow bicycle uniform), you likely are not going 24.9 mph.

And, oh yeah, Armstrong is competing when he is bicycling ó your leisurely ride through campus might not even register on a police radar.

But, hey, snap out of it. Youíre not Lance Armstrong.

And those are the headlights of my black 2001 Saturn SC2 bearing down on you.

CLICK HERE TO BASH



reply


Who the fuck wrote this??



rayrayray
04.9.09 - 4:36 pm

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Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz



mattspeed
04.9.09 - 4:44 pm

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I'm not even sure if this guy's being serious, or if he's just trying to flare up some hemmorhoids.



bentstrider
04.9.09 - 4:46 pm

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I wish going to college made people smart.



PC
04.9.09 - 4:47 pm

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Eh, for some parents, it's just a form of daycare for their spoiled brats.



bentstrider
04.9.09 - 4:48 pm

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editor says its satire, i think they are trying to cover their asses though



robin swabin
04.9.09 - 4:49 pm

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'I wish going to college made people smart.'

+9999999 especially those with doctorates.



_iJunes
04.9.09 - 4:54 pm

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I wish going to High school made people smart



rayrayray
04.9.09 - 4:55 pm

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stubborness > smartness



bentstrider
04.9.09 - 4:57 pm

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I just posted as Zach Colman.

I'm so clever!



Joe Borfo
04.9.09 - 4:58 pm

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trolling state news for the lolz



patrickviolence
04.9.09 - 5:13 pm

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First, for all of you who claim that the State News has ďsunk to a new lowĒ I can only assume youíve been missing out on the annual articles on Pole Dancing and other assorted bits of cultural trash that grace the paperís hallowed pages. Usually that garbage makes the front page Ė because, damn, we really need to know about what it takes to make it as a topless dancer!

Second, as a automobile commuter I am of the opinion that a single bike holding up an entire lane of traffic on a major artery during rush hour is nothing but unbridled selfishness.

The biker could:
1: Use the sidewalk.
2: Use a less populated side street.
3: Commute at a different time.

Why? Because in rush hour traffice Iíve got enough challenges without traffic law ignoring self-obsessed would be Lance Armstrongs zipping around as if the road were made for them personally.

While I realize this may come as a suprise to those whoíve surrendered reality to personal delusions of fabulousness the fact is, for me, spending 10 minutes behind your spandex encased arse isnít my idea of a relaxing commute.

If youíd like to save the planet, please do it on your own time.

The problem with bikes on the road is that bikes on the road donít obey traffic laws. Even if the letter of the law is being obeyed, the nonsense I see on almost a daily basis is entirely irrational.

1: How am I supposed to account for a bike that is between lanes? I donít expect a vehicle to be there, yet often times a bike will cut through between cars moving or stopped at a light.

2: I love the little trick where a bike will use the road right up to the red light, cut over to the pedestrian crosswalk to roll through the light, and then jump back onto the road.

Iím sure about 2 dozen bikers (who all have more in common with the ďHellís AngelsĒ sort than youíd initially guess) will beat me with bike locks because of this post but before they do Iíd like to ask them to participate in a little experiment.

Get on your bike and follow a person on the sidewalk from Abbott road all the way to Frandor. Donít pass the person, just force yourself to ride at their walking speed. Do that for a couple of weeks earn yourself a less self-righteous perspective on the problem.




danya
04.9.09 - 5:21 pm

reply


goddamnit they deleted my post as greg lemond



patrickviolence
04.9.09 - 5:30 pm

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Well, this guy, along with many others, needs a good dose of Midol and a trip to the focus-group.



bentstrider
04.9.09 - 5:34 pm

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I think this is my favorite comment so far:

Lance Armstrong
04/09/09 @ 7:27pm

I want to be Sheldon Brown!




danya
04.9.09 - 5:39 pm

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Personally, if I'm driving and I get "stuck" behind a cyclist, I sit back and enjoy the view. It's usually very nice.



HappyLand
04.9.09 - 5:39 pm

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Okay, I lied:

PUCK
04/09/09 @ 8:01pm

This guy killed FUN.



And +1 HappyLand. Ridazz (and other cyclists) are far too fucking sexy.



danya
04.9.09 - 5:43 pm

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OMG A +1!!!

Seriously the best day of my life : }

(I meeean it!)



HappyLand
04.9.09 - 5:45 pm

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i think all of MR should send him hateful FB messages, just search his name on FB.



larsenf
04.9.09 - 6:05 pm

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PEEKA BOO

Zachary Colman
7150 Lindenmere Dr.
Bloomfield Hills, Michigan 48301
United States



mattspeed
04.9.09 - 6:08 pm

reply



Colman, Zachary zcolman@gmail.com
7150 Lindenmere Dr.
Bloomfield Hills, Michigan 48301
United States
(248) 563-9744




mattspeed
04.9.09 - 6:08 pm

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Poorly written satire.. -5



dusky
04.9.09 - 6:15 pm

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send death threats



patrickviolence
04.9.09 - 6:16 pm

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done.



larsenf
04.9.09 - 6:27 pm

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Tell us what you wrote!



danya
04.9.09 - 6:43 pm

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Viddy well , my brothers - this is obviously satire. I'm not sure of it's exact intention, nor saying it's funny or well written, but it ain't serious. A careful re-reading will show you that.

A few quotes: "the damage I do with my car" "big, people-killing cars" "my gas-guzzling, carbon footprint-leaving car" "Iíve had difficulty finding students who actually obey the speed limit anyway."

Think about it.



mr rollers
04.9.09 - 7:22 pm

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PUCK where you @ when we need you......



Debut213
04.9.09 - 7:55 pm

reply


TLDR



stillline
04.9.09 - 10:34 pm

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It's not satire, Rollers. Satire has a target. It identifies a problem, locates it in some bad or foolish human behavior, and by ironic implication suggests a solution. The target here is not bad driving; the references to carbon footprints and speeding are rather a clumsy attempt at the sort of self-deprecating "I'm a boor but hey, at least I admit it" conceit that P. J. O'Rourke sometimes employs--the difference being that O'Rourke is actually funny. No; the object of this writer's ire is the cyclist, and against him the writer uses mere ridicule, and doesn't use it very well. Third-rate snark, not satire. Meh. Bleh.



PC
04.9.09 - 10:38 pm

reply


send ur 2 cents this way

http://www.facebook.com/s.php?q=colmanz1%40msu.edu&n=-1&k=400000000010&sf=r&init=q&sid=5f1750fedfbb5d13f67c758e81d1ad29



KiMS1
04.9.09 - 11:40 pm

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oh shit, east lansing critical mass is organizing to fuck this kid up

http://community.livejournal.com/bikepirates/3427679.html




KiMS1
04.10.09 - 12:03 am

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Not worth it. All you'd be demonstrating is how easily trolled you are.



PC
04.10.09 - 12:07 am

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"I want to be Sheldon Brown!"

I would, too, if he were still alive. RIP Sheldon.



toweliesbong
04.10.09 - 12:08 am

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@ PC: Not sure that I agree completely, but point taken. As is true of most bad writing, the message is unclear.

I will agree though that to respond with ire is exactly what this guy wants.



mr rollers
04.10.09 - 12:57 am

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He's lonely and wants attention, perhaps he's thinking "getting laid" will result from some of this publicity.

I say ignore him and let him wank off for all I care.



bentstrider
04.10.09 - 1:19 am

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HSB!



imachynna
04.10.09 - 1:26 am

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I sent a complaint to the editor in chief asking that this guy be fired. He shouldn't do such shity researching of the facts, basically not doing any research of the rules of the road or the campus regulations. Someone like that should not have the platform he does.



User1
04.10.09 - 2:08 am

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...or, yeah, you could write in and demand that they fire a student columnist, thus proving that a) you are trolled; b) you don't understand free speech; c) you are a little bit unclear on what an opinion piece is; and d) you don't know what a college newspaper is. You know, whatever.



PC
04.10.09 - 2:48 am

reply


I like this PC!

This is, otoh, motivating me to start paying attention to my school's paper. Apparently a few people from The Roundup were interviewing people on downtown rides? I haven't seen anything about it in print.



danya
04.10.09 - 3:03 am

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@mr rollers

I agree, I think it's poorly written satire.

Tremendously poorly written satire, which I think is attempting to do something similar to Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal," but fails flatly.

And it's his fault for not having a couple of folks read it before publishing it.

If I may say sooo...I don't know if death threats and harassment are that helpful. You know, just like yelling and comments and intimidation from drivers just makes me hate drivers more....

Just saying.

If I am wrong, and this is a serious article, then I think there's a much more elegant way to deal with it.

Juuuust sayin.



HappyLand
04.10.09 - 6:42 am

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author needs to read Look At My Striped Shirt for perfect examples of douchebaggery



ephemerae
04.10.09 - 7:45 am

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Memo to self: Satire vs. parody vs. trolling - think about & discuss.



mr rollers
04.10.09 - 8:31 am

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.......or yeah, you do nothing, thus proving that a) you leave a lame ass writer on your staff; b) you have someone that incites bad driving and tells people it's OK to harass bicyclists, cause we got this thing called free speech; c) you want to show how to write a bad opinion piece, with a complete lack of research on school traffic regulations, and state vehicle code; d) you want to show your paper lacks any standards that have governed national papers, that you may or may not want to strive for in modeling after.



User1
04.10.09 - 9:54 am

reply


Indeed, P.J. O'Rourke did it much better, but I'm still not certain if it's satire or not:

http://www.bikereader.com/contributors/misc/menace.html




angle
04.10.09 - 10:27 am

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http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/

Bikesnobnyc posted that guy's e-mail online in today's post.

I can't imagine how much abuse that guy's going to be getting.



JB
04.10.09 - 11:38 am

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Dear Zach,

I hope you read the comments here and realize the error in your thinking. And specially after consulting with Michiganís vehicle codes. The roads are for everyone.

Being delayed to your next red light because you had to wait to pass a cyclist safely is not a legitimate reason for killing him or her. How is waiting to pass a cyclist safely any different than waiting to pass a mail truck or other slow vehicle? Just because they are a cyclist absolves you and gives you the right to run them over?

As it is, your mental processes in this line of reasoning expose your lack of intelligence, as well as your insecurity over your incredibly small penis, which you attempt to compensate for by flying into a rage at being inconvenienced by someone whom you view as ďweakerĒ than you Ė a false perception given off by the fact that you are encased in a steel, 4-wheeled, C02 generator. But, sorry the 200 horse power between your legs does not make your tiny little penis Ė rendered shriveled and useless by years of drinking Bud Light, listening to Corn and Linkin Park, and repeated viewings of Rob Schnieder movies Ė any larger.

This type of mentality is going the way of the mammoth. Itís time to take a more thoughtful approach to getting around, consuming and wasting less, consolidating our resources and using them in smarter ways, and just plain getting along with other people.

Which excludes running them over because theyíre in the way.




tortuga_veloce
04.10.09 - 11:53 am

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Forgot to include dane cook.



mattspeed
04.10.09 - 11:56 am

reply

Reply


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